Workshops. They can be energising, collaborative, and the birthplace of brilliant ideas. Or — and this is far more common — they can be slow, painful descents into Post-it purgatory.
In the spirit of public service (and because we’ve all endured our fair share of duds), here’s our guide to running the worst possible workshop. Please, for the sake of humanity, don’t actually do these things.
1. Start at least 20 minutes late
Nothing sets the tone like leaving a room full of people wondering whether they’re in the right place. Bonus points if you arrive, coffee in hand, muttering, “Sorry, tech issues.” Everyone will immediately know you are a Serious Professional.
2. Never explain the purpose
Keep it mysterious. People love committing half a day to something when they have no idea why they’re there. If you can make them sit for three hours without a single clear outcome, you’ve achieved peak workshop obscurity.
3. Overstuff the agenda
Eighteen topics in two hours? Totally doable. Just skim over the tricky parts, talk faster, and act surprised when nothing gets resolved. People concentrate best when they’re frantically checking the clock and wondering if the fire alarm will go off to save them.
4. Skip introductions
Why waste time learning who’s in the room? It’s much more fun to debate sales strategy with “that guy in the blue jumper.” Later, you can ask him what he does as you’re packing up — he’s actually the CFO.
5. Read every slide aloud
There’s no greater thrill than watching everyone’s soul leave their body as you read a 12-point bullet list verbatim. Extra credit if your font size is so small it requires binoculars. By the end, you’ll have single-handedly convinced the group that literacy was a mistake.
6. Death by Post-it
When in doubt, buy 400 sticky notes and distribute them like confetti. Have people scribble single words like “innovation” and “synergy” before arranging them into incomprehensible rainbows. If no one can remember what colour meant what by the end, you’ve nailed it.
7. Assume people will magically bond
Forget icebreakers. Adults love awkward silence and won’t at all spend the session whispering to the one person they already know. Nothing says “team building” like four strangers avoiding eye contact for six hours.
8. Bring no snacks
Food? Overrated. Everyone thinks best when their blood sugar is crashing and they’re debating whether it’s rude to eat the emergency mint at the bottom of their bag. For added cruelty, hold the session next to a café so the smell of croissants drifts in tauntingly.
9. Use jargon aggressively
Why say “Let’s decide who does what” when you can insist on “Establishing operational accountability frameworks”? Nothing builds clarity like corporate Mad Libs. If you can turn a five-word sentence into a 25-word riddle, congratulations — you’re fluent!
10. Pick a room with no natural light
Preferably a basement with flickering fluorescent bulbs. The more it resembles a hostage situation, the more ideas will flow. Bonus if the windows are painted shut and the only decoration is a lonely flipchart stand and a hole in one of the walls that looks like a face.
11. Forget breaks
If people can’t feel their legs by the end, you’ve clearly maximised efficiency. Keep them trapped in their seats until someone faints, then declare the workshop a roaring success because “at least they were engaged.”
12. Rely on one loud voice
Why encourage balanced participation when Steve from Finance clearly has it all figured out? Let him monologue for 40 minutes while everyone else rehearses polite nodding. By the end, you’ll have a workshop summary that’s essentially Steve’s autobiography.
13. Ignore the clock
Time is a construct. Let sessions run an hour over — everyone loves cancelling their lunch plans and rescheduling childcare. Besides, overrunning shows passion, right? Bonus points if you remove the clocks from the room.
14. Never check tech beforehand
What’s a workshop without a thrilling 15-minute wait while you find the HDMI adaptor? Bonus points if the Wi-Fi needs a password only Karen from IT knows, and Karen’s on annual leave. Nothing builds momentum like dead air.
15. Print nothing, share nothing
Handouts are for the weak. Real pros squint at blurry screenshots on a projector and try to memorise 50 acronyms in one go. The true test of a workshop is whether anyone can remember a single number by the following morning.
16. Treat feedback as optional
Wrap up with: “Any thoughts? No? Great.” Then vanish. Nothing says “we value your voice” like not actually letting anyone use it.
17. Provide no next steps
The hallmark of a terrible workshop: everyone leaves saying, “So… what do we actually do now?” If you can ensure zero follow-up and a vague sense of wasted time, you’re practically a master facilitator.
18. Make it all about you
Workshops aren’t about collaboration. They’re your one-person TED Talk, and everyone else is just lucky to be in the audience. Sprinkle in a few personal anecdotes about your holiday cottage renovation and horse riding for children side hustle for good measure.
19. Cram in a trust fall
Because nothing says “strategic alignment” like catching your boss mid-air (or at least trying to). It’s even better if the insurance team has no idea it’s happening. Or HR.
20. Use clip art unironically
A PowerPoint isn’t complete until you’ve added a man climbing a ladder to “success.” If you can find the one with a stick-figure holding a briefcase while running uphill, you’ve basically designed the Mona Lisa of bad slides.
21. Ban laptops but provide no pens
Force everyone to “be present,” then watch panic ensue as they try to write notes with eyeliner. The brave few will attempt to etch action points into the table with a paperclip.
22. Forget the remote team
Your online colleagues? They’ll be fine watching shadows flicker across a whiteboard for three hours on mute. For maximum alienation, accidentally unplug the conference mic halfway through and never notice.
23. Pretend action plans write themselves
People love vague promises like “We’ll circle back” and “Let’s take this offline.” The less anyone actually commits to, the more you’ve guaranteed future job security.
24. Schedule it for 4:30 on a Friday
Peak productivity time. No one’s thinking about trains to catch, kids to pick up, or the weekend starting without them. If you run long, you’ll secure your place on the office “most hated” leader board.
25. Hold it during lunch but don’t provide any
Half-day session that bleeds into 1:30? Perfect. Nothing sparks creativity like hanger and the quiet sound of stomachs rumbling in harmony.
26. Make everyone stand up all day
Sit/stand desks are healthy, right? So just remove chairs altogether. Nothing bonds a team like collective shin splints.
27. Add a surprise roleplay
There’s nothing people love more than being told to “pretend you’re the customer” in front of their boss. Extra fun if you make the quietest person in the room improvise as an angry CEO.
28. Forget the follow-up email
If no one ever mentions the workshop again, was it even real? Silence is golden.
29. Pretend hybrid is easy
Jam a laptop at the end of the table, crank up the echo, and call it inclusive. For extra flair, let the in-person team go for coffee while the remote people watch an empty room.
30. End with a vague platitude
Something like, “The real workshop was the friends we made along the way.” Then exit before anyone can ask, “But what about the action plan?”
The actual takeaway
If you spotted yourself in a few of these, don’t panic. We’ve all been there (sometimes more often than we’d like to admit). But running a workshop that’s engaging, structured, and — crucially — productive is a skill worth investing in.
And if you’d like to see how the pros do it, EA How To are running a webinar in a few weeks on designing offsites and workshops that actually work. Think of it as the antidote to Post-it purgatory. Details here — because life’s too short for clip art ladders and hanger-fuelled chaos. You’re welcome!